My apologies for being gone for so long. I have been, among other things, working as a behavioral coach for kids with serious emotional issues for about three months. I’ve been doing the standard safety practices (washing hands for 20 seconds, hand sanitizer, six feet apart, face mask) and let me tell you, I’ve learned plenty about what it’s like working with kids. Without going too much into detail for privacy reasons, their issues tend to vary between anxiety problems to having issues handling their emotions and lacking in emotional maturity. This is the perfect job for me since emotional maturity is an important skill in the real world.
Despite the challenges with the kids and the current conditions at the time of this writing (where I’m at, they have installed a curfew until late December), not only am I doing fine, I’m more than that. I feel incredibly happy with where I’m at and I managed to ride the pandemic like the wind. Okay, that was a pretty weird metaphor. But despite the challenges, I’m actually at a better position in life than I was when the pandemic started hit stateside.
Do you have challenges working with emotionally challenged kids during the pandemic? Are you or will you become start at an entry-level position that involves that type of work? I can give you some tips on how to work well with kids, especially those in need of emotional guidance. This is what I can tell you that can help both the kids and your sanity.
The Logical and Critical Thinking of the Kids’ Brains Are Underdeveloped
During my online training for my job, one of the things I learned is that while the brains of the kids and teens are developing, their ability to think logically and critically won’t be fully developed until around 25 years old. What that means is that trying to reason with them will be a difficult task. While it is important to have teens to develop their abilities to use logic, reasoning, and critical thinking, do not expect them to follow your commands using logic alone.
The kids’ brains are also subjected to various distractions and lack of focus. In an increasingly noisy and distracted world, this has become more apparent. I also notice how easy it is to prime the minds of the kids through advertising jingles and products. They also find it incredibly difficult to sit still alone doing nothing for 20 minutes.
When working with these kids, know what you’re getting into. These are not adults that happen to be slightly smaller, like the ancient world believed they were. Their brains work very differently from the average adult, and you need to approach them from that angle. These kids are not ready for adulthood just yet.
Creative Activities Are Effective
While the logic and critical thinking skills of the kids I work with are lacking, the creative and artistic sides of their brains work pretty well. In fact, some of the kids show promising talent with their art. Although not all the kids share equal enthusiasm when it comes to artistic expression, when they put their minds to it, they can achieve great results.
The artistic mediums they use vary. Their favorites tend to be Perler bead art, paintings ranging from standard canvasses to rocks, and drawings ranging from regular pencils to oil pastels. We always schedule the art breaks before they start classwork and in the afternoon after they’re all caught up with assignments. It works incredibly well when it comes to their health and well-being.
This should be something that should not only be encouraged for the students, but the staff should do as well. You don’t have to be Da Vinci or Picasso to be an artist. You just need to play alongside with the kids and contribute something artistic along with them. I have never played with bead art in my childhood or any point of my life. But after seeing some of their creations, I tagged along and made some bead art of my own. I’m still a beginner, but the careful tweezing of the beads and the careful assembling of them in a tray is a calming experience. I never would’ve gotten into it if it weren’t for clients and staff I work with.
Physical Activities Are a Must
As we’ve seen from numerous research studies, the key to a healthy mind is a healthy body. Therefore, physical activity should be considered essential to the health and well-being of kids, especially those with emotional and mental health issues.
While weather conditions will vary, we always do our best when it comes to scheduling times where we do physical activities. The physical activities can range from wiffle ball, to basketball, to frisbee, to volleyball, and many other sports. The good thing about the kids that I work with is that they have a lot of pent-up energy and enthusiasm when it comes to playing sports. It is fantastic that they have the willingness and energy to play sports and be physically active. At least they’re not the type of kids who do nothing but watch TV and spend too much time online. It’s essential kids and teens get the necessary time and energy needed to exercise and engage physically, since it’s essential for both the body and the mind.
The staff should also be engaged physically as well. They should look over the kids when they play, enforce the rules of the game they’re playing, and should act as scorekeepers and coaches. And if they invite you to play, play with them. It’s a time to bond with the kids and it will also help you better engage and understand the kids.
With that said, there are times where the kids will be too energetic and be too aggressive when they play. As will be explained in the next section, there will be times where you have to disengage and say no.
Learn When to Say No
There was a time where I played volleyball with one of the teens. I was never good at it when I was a teen myself, but I still played among the demands from who I work with. She was incredibly good at it, but the way she spiked and served the ball was pretty aggressive. At a certain point, the playing turned into rough-housing and I knew that we had to stop. She wanted to continue but I refused. She ended up hating me for the rest of the day and the day after as well.
There will be times where you have to say no. In a previous blog post, I detailed all the ways how you can say no. When working specifically with these kids, however, the big priority is all about de-escalating the situation. If the physical activities end up being too aggressive and escalate to the point where someone gets hurt, then it’s time to say no. If they end up asking for something they want and you don’t feel they don’t deserve it, it’s a good idea to hold off for now. If they’re spend too much time on their break and not doing the classwork they’re supposed to, it’s time to redirect them and return focus back to class work.
They will refuse, they will get angry, and they will show animosity towards you, but it’s ultimately for their own good. You can’t let their feelings get in the way when it comes to raising them. You have to show them discipline and you can’t always play nice with them. This is where you have to say no.
Be On Your Best Attitude
The kids you’ll work with will have problems with emotional regulation. They will have problems with getting along with adults. They will have problems with getting along with their peers. The point is, they are going to have issues when it comes to their attitude.
Don’t let their bad attitude affect your attitude towards them.
When you come to work, you need to have a level of professionalism. Cynicism and pessimism can spread just as badly as a virus, and it’s just as harmful. There have been days where the kids end up having a grump morning and that can easily snowball into a bad day. That will inevitably affect how you work as well. You cannot let their dark clouds invade your peace of mind.
Your mind needs to have rationalization, it needs optimism, and it needs resilience when it comes to work. I recommend being on your best attitude when it comes to working with them. Approach them with a level of sympathy, but don’t be so embroiled by their personal problems unless you’re a therapist. Along with social distancing, keep an emotional distancing from their personal life unless you feel that they will be a threat to themselves or others. In that case, have emergency contacts at the ready.
In my experience so far, however, the kids I work with don’t show signs of that. I do see potential with the kids that I work with. They just have problems with emotional maturity, focus and motivation. When it comes to attitude, always have a plan but keep an open mind.
Have a Routine
Last section, I mentioned how the kids can have bad starts to their mornings. For you, that means you need to start having routines when it comes to your work week. You should plan out your day in terms of time blocks.
For me, I currently use the Time Block Planner by computer science professor, Cal Newport. I use it plan out what tasks I will be doing throughout my day. I plan the classroom activities in the beginning of class, the morning classes the rest of the morning, lunch break at noon, PE at the afternoons, and helping with leftover assignments and activities at the end of the school day. If something happens at work and I get knocked off schedule, then I simply update it whenever I get the chance.
The main reason I use the Time Block Planner, however, is it keep track of my daily metrics. There’s a section in the planner that you can use to keep track of progress towards a skill that you want to develop. I use it to keep track of the number of conversations I have at work, both with the students and with coworkers. The daily metrics section can be used to keep track of whatever skill you want to develop and cultivate, such as how many words written in a session, or time spent exercising. There’s a lot you can do with the Time Block Planner.
You shouldn’t just plan what you will be doing at work, however. You should also cultivate a morning routine and figure out what to do after work.
For mornings, it is very important to at least have 7 hours of sleep. Not only will you be less effective at your job if you sleep less than 7 hours, it can actually be fatal if you sleep less than the recommended hours. Since morning routines can be different for everyone, I’ll give you what I do every morning. I wake up at around 5:45 AM. I take a shower, I eat breakfast, and I turn on my phone to check up on my emails to see if there’s anything interesting on it. And as a general rule of thumb, I do not have any social media on phone and I do not turn on my laptop in the mornings. After that, I leave home and go to work, where my mind switches to work mode.
When I’m done at work, I go to my Time Block Planner and I note that my shutdown is complete. What that means is that work is over and my mind switches from work mode to home life mode. It’s important that you switch your mode of thinking when you end work, especially in this line of work. You need to make your work life and home life separate entities. Things don’t end well if you don’t. When your done at work, you need to find high quality leisure activities to restore your well-being after work. Once again, it varies. You can read a book, journal, meditate, listen to music or podcasts, or watch the dozens of shows and programs from the dozens or so streaming services out there. More information if you click here. Yes, I linked the same blog post twice. I’m shameless.
Once you find a routine, it will soon develop into a habit and your brain runs on autopilot. It’ll take awhile before it clicks. Trust me, it took me weeks to figure out the right morning routine. But you’ll feel the benefits as soon as it becomes a part of your work week.
Every Little Gesture and Compliment Counts
One of the most rewarding things about working with the kids is that when you do something small for them, such as giving them the ball during PE or just saying a simple thank you, the kids will reciprocate and say thank you back. It’s a genuinely good feeling and it reminds you why you’re working in the field in the first place.
When you give out compliments, you can’t just give them out like free samples of candy at a supermarket. You have to mean it and it has to be for things that are actually noteworthy. We don’t give out participation trophies on a silver platter. Whenever I praise one of the students, it’s because I’m genuinely impressed. I’ve seen some of the kids create impressive works of art, plow through an insane amount of class work, and hit balls across the field. When the kids put their mind to it and achieve something, it’s appropriate to give them the adequate praise.
When it comes to gestures, they don’t have to be grand or spectacular. They can be as simple as retrieving the ball during PE, playing their favorite card game with them, or listening to their favorite songs during class. If you feel like they earned it, you can fulfill their requests and they will feel immediately thankful for it. The smallest acts of kindness are the ones that make the most difference.
Be a Role Model
The final piece of advice is the one where all the other previous tips have been leading up to. As they say, be the change you want to see in the world. What that means is that, if you want emotionally-mature, focused, knowledgeable kids, you have exemplify those values yourself. The kids will never do what they tell you, but kids (and human beings in general) will learn through example and socialization.
The human brain has shown to have tremendous resilience, and despite its shortcomings and biases, the brain can find ways to heal itself through trauma. It’s especially true for the brains of children and how they experience trauma. What they need is a good environment and people willing to work for them. That’s where you come in.
If you want your kids to write well, you have to write well yourself. If you want your kids to focus and concentrate, you have to focus and concentrate yourself, especially in a world where there’s a whole of demand for attention but not a whole lot of supply. If you want your kids to be physically active, you have to be physically active yourself.
You don’t have to be perfect, or special, or anything like that. Heck, I still feel distracted on my phone every now and again at work. But, it requires a lot of practice to be good at your job. Once you become a dependable worker, you’ll be indispensable to your employers. But more importantly, you’ll be indispensable to the kids. And, after all, isn’t that the real reward when you decide to work for the kids?
Richmund M. Meneses 
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